Article Links
- Christianity will die out in 40 years
- Why Christian leaders are failing Scotland
- Italian Atheist Sues Priest Over Jesus' Existence.
- Is God Dead In Europe?
- Blessed Are The Neds
- Same Sex Marriages Arrive In Scotland
- Britons Branded Cocaine Kings of Europe
- One in Three Clergy Believe in Damnation
- Bible to be Banned From Student Halls
- Faith in God Declining Faster Than Church Visits
- Is Christianity Facing a Slow, Inevitable Death?
- Kirk Membership: a 'Catastrophic' Record Low
- The True Meaning to Life
- Churches Act to Keep Their Flocks
- Scots Losing Their Religion
- Converting a Nation of Agnostics
- University Scraps Prayers at Graduation
- Scots Death by Drink Rate Fastest in Europe
Blessed are the Neds,...
for they are pure gaun tae hivven, by the way!
(a good primer in Scottish slang)
THE Church of England is to unleash a squad of itinerant vicars to preach the word among hoodies in shopping malls, rappers in night clubs, and other sections of the community hitherto uncatered for by organised religion. Among the alternative church schemes already established under this Fresh Expressions initiative is Rezurgence, a Christian “extreme sport” ministry which “brings mountain biking, BMX and faith into one”. Skateboarding for Jesus and related fields of endeavour are welcome in a world with far too many churches lying empty and no shortage of young people hinging aboot street corners and getting up to no good. I am particularly looking forward to the Church of Scotland setting up a mission unto the ned community. It will be mad at the church of St John the Pure Mollocated. Blessed will be those who thirst after Buckfast, for they will have their fill. The evangelical minister, perhaps sporting a neat Burberry dog collar, will preach the fifth commandment that thou shalt not blag. This will be welcome news to the stores in Argyle Street, aka Shoplifters Alley.Christian converts in trackies and baseball caps will adopt a charter of things to gonnae no dae. Like, thou shalt not get thine boaby oot wi another ned’s senga. There will be time to contemplate such concepts as: what doth it profit a punter to have loads of callydosh but still be a bawbag? And if a bam knees you in one goolie, it does not necessarily mean he’s gonnae get a doin’ big time. You might turn the other goolie.
A born-again joggie-wearer-for-Jesus would judge not, lest he be judged. He would not condemn his fellow ned as mingin’ when he himself might be mockit. What this potential Kirk mission might bring is a sense of peace and self- knowledge to a much-misunderstood section of society, when a young ned can pause briefly from drinking his bottle of MD 20/20 and say: “Ah mur whit ah mur. Jist a mento basturt.”